In Passion I Found
by cageddamsel111368
Summary: Set in medieval Europe, Christine is trapped in a terrible marriage to a rich baron, when she meets his passionate, handsome knight Erik Brom. Between them erupts a dangerous, passionate affair that could have them both killed.
1. Hungry

I:

I:

Hungry

Christine stared down at the parchment of paper in front of her. It was blank. She had been hovering over it for an hour, trying to think of what to write, but nothing had come out. It was a letter to her family; her mother and father and brothers and sisters. She had not written them in several months and knew if she didn't soon they'd begin to worry. The problem was that she didn't know what to write.

How was she supposed to tell her family that she was miserable? How could she tell them that she hated her life and hated her husband? She had nothing worth anything in her life. She couldn't tell them that they were wrong and responsible for her misery. She'd be lucky if they ever spoke to her again after such a confession. But she couldn't lie. She couldn't tell them she was happy when she wasn't, or that she loved her life when she didn't. Christine had always made it a point in her life to never lie, that is, until she got married.

She had gotten married two years ago when she had been fifteen. Her present husband was a very wealthy baron who had offered her father vast amounts of wealth and land, as well as political connections, for her hand. Greedily, her father had agreed and given her over, like a possession. Within weeks her father had had her sent to her then future husband's home and had her married. She had only met her husband once before she was forced to marry him. He had been forty-three, slightly rotund, pompous, and not attractive in any way. Needless to say, she had not been excited to start her new life with him.

Now they had been married two years; two long, unhappy years. Between being angry at her for not producing an heir and not being a pleasure to be around, her husband wasn't satisfied with her. He had even stopped summoning her to his bed and taken to maids instead. Christine was fine with this, however. She loathed sexual relations with her husband and had lived in constant anxiety in their first months of marriage. Their consummation had been painful and unpleasant and it hadn't gotten any better after that.

Although Christine no longer had to really worry about sleeping with her husband, she had to face the long, tedious hours of her life alone. She had few friends in the castle and her husband was never around (which was probably for the best since he was terrible company). She was forced to sleep long hours to take up the time and have something to do. Then she read or floated around the house, hoping to do some of her duties as mistress of the castle. She was rarely needed, though, and often told not to worry herself.

So what did she have to do? She was a young, lonely wife with a terrible husband and no outlet for enjoyment or her intelligence. All those years of perfecting her Latin and French and studying had been in vain. She was of no use in her husband's household. Could she honestly tell her family that? Could she even admit such an embarrassing fact out loud?

Christine pushed the letter away and decided to forgo it for the time being. Even though she had nothing else to fill her time she didn't want to work on the letter now.

Christine did have one friend in the castle that she could talk to. The young maidservant Meg was pleasant company and provided Christine an escape when she wasn't working. She chattered endlessly, gossiping and spilling salacious details about the town or the castle. Christine enjoyed the company and the mindless fun. Being around Meg was the only time she could laugh or think about something else besides her pitiful life.

Christine went through the dismal castle and headed down to the kitchens where Meg frequently worked. Christine smiled when she saw the blonde, blue-eyed chatterbox baking as she animatedly told a story to one of the cooks.

"Gossiping is a sin, Ms. Meg. I think the Pope would not approve of this kind of behavior."

Meg looked up at Christine's voice and her bright eyes shone with delight.

"Oh, Lady Christine!" she exclaimed before giving Christine a warm hug.

"Where have you been? I've been sitting around for weeks wishing for you to come and see me!" Meg purred.

"I know. I just…You were always busy and I had things to do…"

Meg gave her a look that said she didn't believe her.

Christine laughed. "I'm sorry. You're right. I should have come and seen you."

Meg nodded and smiled brightly. She liked being told she was right.

"Now, let's go back to old ways," Meg said as she took Christine's arm. "I have so much to tell you."

Christine sat and listened aptly as Meg poured over stories of scandal and secrecy in her husband's holding. Meg was a great storyteller and said everything enthusiastically, pausing at the right moments and exaggerating the best parts. Christine felt her heart lighten a little bit as she watched her friend. It was good to laugh again.

"I just know she'll be with child soon," Meg said as she finished off a story. "She bears no heed to our laws or advice. She just flits around."

Christine nodded and chewed idly on a piece of bread that Meg had given her.

'Oh!" Meg suddenly exclaimed. "Did I tell you about the exciting news?"

Christine shook her head.

"Your husband's knights are finally coming home. Now that the war is over they'll return and stay awhile before they go on another adventure."

Christine tensed a little, realizing her husband hadn't bothered to tell her when the staff knew.

"When will they be arriving?" Christine asked.

"In a few days," Meg beamed. "Can you imagine a dozen handsome knights in the castle?"

Christine was a little excited. At least some guests would break the pattern for a few weeks.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik wiped his brow wearily as he cantered along on his tired mare. It was bitter cold, nearing night, and the twelfth day of traveling. He and his fellow knights had been going for almost two weeks now, ever since the end of the war with the French. It had been a grueling, long war that had lasted over five years. Five years of constant battle and warfare, harsh weather and living conditions, and no break from the torture of war. They had killed many and lost many; some too young and some old enough to have gone through several wars. It had been strenuous, violent and unyielding. Erik could barely remember the time before the war when he had been a young, barely experienced warrior. And although it had only been five years, he felt twenty years older than his thirty-two years.

He was eager to get back to his lord's holding and settle down. He was tired of fighting and traveling all over Europe. All he wanted now was a wife and children. He had had his share of adventure and danger. He was ready for the simple life.

"How much longer, man?" Rhodrick, his old friend, asked tiredly, his body swaying from fatigue.

Erik helped push his friend up in his saddle. "Not much longer, friend. Maybe a day or two."

"Well, at least tell me we can camp soon."

Erik nodded as he saw the sun fall deeper behind the mountains. "We'll make camp in a few minutes."

That night the eleven knights huddled around a weak fire and tried desperately to sleep, despite the freezing cold that burned their limbs.

Despite the cold and fatigue weighing him down, Erik couldn't sleep, however. He sat up next to the fire, throwing sticks into it, listening to the sounds of the forest. Some of the men were sound asleep while others were still tossing and turning. Arthur and Halebran, two others, were the guards for the night.

"Can't sleep, Erik?" Halebran asked, his arms crossed across his broad chest.

Erik gazed into the fire. "No."

"You miss home?"

"Yeah, I'm ready to get back."

"I'm ready to see my kids," Halebran mused, his eyes shut.

"I'm ready for a young, warm body again," Rhodrick growled from his sack.

The men awake all laughed in agreement.

"It'll be good to bed my wife again," Halebran murmured. "I've gone too long without her."

Erik nodded.

"You finally going to get a bride, Erik?"

He smiled sadly. "I'm going to try to."

Arthur, a younger man, protested. "Don't tell me you're going to chain yourself down now!"

"I've sewn my oats plenty enough," Erik responded. "I'm ready to take wife and have some children. I'm not getting any younger."

"Oh, you've got plenty of time," Rhodrick argued. "I'm almost near my fortieth year and I still haven't married."

"But I'm ready now," Erik retorted. "I just want one woman I can rely on to be there when I come home."

"You say that until you get it," Halebran mumbled.

The men all laughed heartily.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"Christine! Christine!"

Christine came quickly down the staircase when she heard her husband calling her name. She held her skirts as she came down and looked at him expectantly. From his stance and the tone of his voice she could tell he was not in a patient mood today.

"Yes, my lord?" she answered once she arrived at his feet.

He crossed his arms in annoyance and looked at her sternly. "Where were you? You should always come the moment I call you. I shouldn't have to shout for you twice."

She nodded obediently. "Yes, my lord. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. How can I serve you?"

"My knights, my vassals are expected to arrive tomorrow. I've been doing much preparation for them. They've been gone a long time at war and I want them to come and relax and rest.

"Yes, of course, my lord."

"I don't want you in the way of any of my attendants or servants or the knights when they arrive. You'll be a nuisance if you're around. You'll be expected at dinner every evening, but that is. All other times I don't want you bothering them."

Christine steeled herself against the words and gave a confident nod. "Yes, my lord. I will do anything you wish of me."

He tersely walked away without a word, leaving her standing there.

Christine felt as if her heart had sunk a million feet at her husband's hurtful words, but she wasn't surprised. Her husband never had kind words for her. Any time he spoke to her he was patronizing her or telling her what was wrong with her. Even on her wedding night he had critiqued her and been cold and rude.

Christine slinked back to her room, trying to ignore the looks from the servants and attendants around her who had seen the spectacle. It was terribly embarrassing for them to see her be humiliated again, but she just pretended it had not happened and made her way back to her room where at least she could cry and not be judged.

She shut the door behind her and sagged against it when she was finally alone. This was the only place in the entire castle where she could be safe. Her husband never came to see her and she had sent off all her maids for the afternoon. It was a cold, bare room with merely a bed and a dresser, but it was the only place she could be alone. And although she really hated being alone, it was better than facing her dreadful husband again, or going back down and hearing her servants whisper about her. She knew they all thought she was pitiful and a sad, little girl. She couldn't blame them. She thought the same of herself.


	2. Embrace

II:

II:

Embrace the New

Christine looked out her window at the group of knights galloping toward the castle. The day was uncommonly bright and sunny and made their silver armor shine. Christine couldn't help but notice how fierce and formidable the knights looked. She could remember the stories her father had told her as a child and how he had described brave knights. The knights arriving at the castle this moment fitted that description completely. Strong, worldly, courageous, dangerous…

When she had been little she had fantasized about marrying a knight. From the way they had always been described she thought them ideal men. She had dreamed of finding a brave and handsome warrior who would protect her and love her. That dream had vanished, however, when she married. Yet, sometimes she still remembered her childhood fantasy.

Christine stopped dwelling on the subject, however, and straightened herself. She had been ordered to dress exquisitely by her husband. He wanted her to look the part of a beautiful, silent wife. That was easy enough since that was her role anyway.

She gathered her skirts as she prepared to go downstairs to greet her husband's knights. All the servants were in a bustle over the arrival; preparing the hall for the knights' dinner or the barracks for them to sleep in. Christine tried not to get in their way as she came down and waited obediently in her dark green gown. Her husband had told her to wait for him in the grand hall.

Geoffrey strode into the hall then, proudly, and straightened his tunic. Christine thought he looked like a peacock but said nothing as he came to stand next to her.

"Remember what I told you," he muttered to her under his breath.

She nodded, barely able to control her anger. She wanted so much to lunge at him and smack his face. She knew a husband was the ruler and had power over his wife, but he treated her like a dog, not his wife.

"Yes, my lord. I remember."

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik dismounted from his horse gracefully and looked up in wonder at the beautiful, but solemn castle. He had not been here in five years. He had a hazy memory of his baron. He had never been overly fond of the man, but again he could not fully remember. So much had happened in the five years he'd been away.

He gave the reins to his horse to a young stable boy and removed his gloves. He gestured for the other knights to follow and they headed toward the tall, oak doors. The doors opened widely and he and the other ten knights strode into the grand hall. They could see the outline of two people standing and waiting for them.

"My knights, my vassals," Geoffrey boomed as he stretched his arms out wide in welcoming.

Erik, behind Arthur and Halebran and a few other knights, bowed to his lord. They all bowed low; it was the honor their lord deserved. Their lord came toward them with an arrogant smile and they rose to meet his gaze.

"Sir Halebran," Baron Geoffrey greeted, dropping his hand for Halebran to bend over. Halebran was the baron's oldest and most trusted vassal.

"My lord," Halebran responded.

"How was the journey here? Did you find any trouble on the way?""

"No, my lord. It was a safe journey."

"Excellent. Well, my friends let me introduce you to my wife, Lady Christine." Geoffrey moved out of the way to present his young wife.

Erik raised his eyes to look at his baron's new wife. He had felt like a cannon had knocked him to the floor when he had seen her. She was so striking, so beautiful. Her porcelain face was framed by a crown of long, luxurious, brown curls. Her eyes were round and dark and innocent and her lips were pink and pouted. He felt like a teenage boy looking at her, he was so overwhelmed. She looked so soft and feminine and…

Erik had to control his rapid heartbeat and his surprisingly aching loins. He felt like he should be ashamed at being so attracted to his lord's wife, but she took his breath away. He couldn't stop looking at her she was so mesmerizing. Erik tried to avert his gaze from the gorgeous creature as she greeted them all, but it was difficult. He knew if he looked her in the eye he'd be lost completely.

Christine greeted each of the knights warmly but when she looked into the eyes of the mysteriously masked knight Erik, she felt a shudder of warmth go through her. He was shockingly handsome with dark, brown hair and a chiseled face; a hard jaw, full lips, and intense, green eyes. His eyes were the one thing that caught her the most. They gazed back at her with a warmth and tenderness and hunger so apparent it made her shiver.

"How do you do, sir knight?" she greeted, outstretching her hand for him to shake.

He took her hand in a firm, electric grip that shocked her.

"Thank you, milady. It is a pleasure to meet you."

For that moment Christine forgot anyone else was there. "Yes."

Taking her hand away from him, Christine averted her gaze and turned to her husband. She felt like she was going to faint.

"My knights, we have prepared a sumptuous feast for you. Come, and let us partake of it," Geoffrey commanded before striding with Christine behind him to the dining hall.

Christine sat down dutifully across from her husband at the large dining table as the knights and her husband also sat down. The knights were all beginning to talk among themselves and the hall had begun to fill with chatter. Christine kept her silence as the servants attended them and began to bring out the first courses. She felt jittery and out of place at the moment, and not because she had several guests at her table and she was under her husband's harsh scrutiny. She could see the knight Sir Erik out of the corner of her eye on her far left and felt very nervous.

It was absolutely ridiculous, not to mention sinful that she was feeling this way. He was just a man. He wasn't even royalty or anyone very important. She was a grown woman; an experienced woman. She shouldn't be afraid of men by now, especially after two years of being married to a man like Geoffrey. And looking at another man, being attracted to another man was very wrong. The Church strictly abhorred and spoke against lustful feelings. Not that she was feeling lustful. She just…noticed him. It was hard not to.

Christine tried to brush the feelings off that were whirling in her as their food was being served and everyone was getting settled. She was a good, obedient wife and hostess. She had no time for adolescent feelings. She was supposed to look pretty and eat and be silent. And she was going to do just that.

"The reports I heard over the last few months were excellent," Geoffrey said to his knights as he wolfed down the soup. "I was very impressed by the tactics you chose."

"Thank you, my lord," Halebran responded. "We had the most excellent generals and military council. It was not all our doing. Sir Erik was the one actually who planned out several of the battles and led us to victory time and again." Halebran gestured to Erik.

"Ah, yes, Sir Erik," Geoffrey mused. "You always had a keen eye for war. You were always one of the strongest and sharpest of my men."

Erik nodded. "Thank you, my lord."

The men went on discussing the war and military and so on for awhile as Christine sat silently and ate. She focused her attention on the food and how good it tasted. Her thoughts strayed however, when one of the knights brought her up.

"I confess, my lord," Arthur began after a bout of laughter ended, "I was surprised to find you married."

The other knights nodded in agreement as Geoffrey wiped his mouth to reply.

"Yes, well, I only married Christine two years ago. You were all still at war and I made the decision rather rashly. I realized I needed to produce an heir soon and so I took her as my bride."

Erik couldn't resist glancing at the Lady Christine for a moment. She quickly looked away.

"I was advised not to marry soon, but I did anyway. I was bewitched and I knew I truly needed an heir soon. However, she has not given me one yet. Maybe I should have listened to my friends and not married so I wouldn't have wasted two years unsuccessfully trying. God knows, I could have married one month ago to another woman and gotten her with child much sooner," Geoffrey muttered.

A palpable hush fell across the room as the knights tried to ignore the comment they had heard come out of their lord's mouth. But Erik could not forget what he had heard. He looked at his baron incredulously before turning back to the baron's wife. He could see from her face how embarrassed and ashamed she was.

"Well, my lord," Halebran began hastily, trying to change the subject, "thank you immensely for the stupendous meal. We needed it after our journey."

The knights nodded in unison and all thanked their baron heartily.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Christine lied silently in her bed as she stared solemnly at the moon in the dark night sky. She had spent the last twenty minutes quietly crying in the safety of her room after the horrible debacle at dinner. She had been completely humiliated by her husband in front of all of his knights. He had practically accused her of being barren. He had spoken his most harsh critique of her and her worst fear out loud in front of everyone. Did he hate her that much? Did he purposely want to shame her in front of his vassals, his friends? She had always thought him cruel, but this was beyond cruel. And then she remembered the look Sir Erik had given her. He had looked so sorry for her. He probably thought her pitiful and pathetic. It had been so mortifying.

Christine sat up quickly when her front door opened suddenly and her husband appeared in her doorway in his dressing gown. She pulled up the covers protectively.

"I had thought of trying to bed you tonight and finally get you with child," he said tersely.

Her heart immediately began beating at the horrible thought.

"But then I remembered all the dozens times I tried and how futile they were. Not only did you fail to become pregnant but you also were as cold and as passionless as a block of wood."

Christine dropped her gaze from him and stared down shamefully at her feet.

"So I don't think I'm going to even try anymore. I have more of a chance of getting an heir out of one of my maids than you."

Coldly then, he left without another word.

Christine tried to wait until she was sure he was several feet away before she sobbed herself to sleep.


	3. Understand

III:

III:

Understand

Erik sighed heartily as he lifted his mud-ridden boots off his aching feet. He was still very sore from the trip and hadn't been able to free his feet in weeks since it was too cold outside. It would feel good tonight to sleep in a bed, on a mattress with blankets. He would finally get a good night's sleep after weeks of sleeping on the ground. He reclined back onto the bed, sighing again, as a smile spread across his lips. Yes, he could definitely get used to sleeping in a bed again.

But once Erik tried to close his eyes and get some sleep it wasn't coming. All he could think about was Baron Geoffrey and his young wife, Christine. Erik had been absolutely appalled at the baron's behavior towards his wife, how he had embarrassed her in front of all of them. It had not shamed his wife, but rather the baron himself. Erik had never been an incredible fan of his lord, but now he wasn't sure he was even a decent man. He couldn't understand how any man could treat a woman such a way or divulge such private details. It had taken Erik all the strength within him to not lunge across the table or yell at Geoffrey. And after he had seen the Lady Christine's face it had been even worse. She had looked so humiliated, so ashamed. It wasn't right for Baron Geoffrey to treat his wife that way, even if she was barren and he was a baron.

Erik had gotten that impression from the moment he had walked in. He had suspected the baron was a pompous ass with a flair for making himself look good. He had much to overcompensate for. The Baron was nearly bald, out of shape, not attractive, and from the rumors Erik had heard, a weakling in battle. But when he had greeted them in the great hall in such a ridiculous outfit and made Halebran kiss his hand, it had only sealed Erik's suspicions. He hadn't noticed or cared when he was young what his lord was like, as long as he got to fight. Now that Erik was older, he knew how to decode a man's character, and how important that was. Serving an arrogant and selfish man was not ideal.

What Erik really couldn't understand was how the man could critique or be ungrateful for a wife like Lady Christine. From the moment he had seen her he had been thoroughly enchanted. She was breath-taking. If he had a woman like her he would never speak ill of her, or even care that she was barren. There were not many women in the world as beautiful as that woman.

The thought of Lady Christine and women were making Erik hard. After months without a woman he was absolutely aching for a willing body to warm his bed. Alone in the bitter cold on the battlefronts he had only the comfort of his hand. It was very rare for a woman to pass through, and those kinds of couplings were always very quick and fleeting. He didn't just want a quick lay anymore. When he was young prostitutes and barmaids had sufficed, but now he wanted more. He wanted a woman to hold in his arms all night and fall asleep with. He wanted to wake up with her in his arms still and then stroke her and make love to her all over again. He wanted a woman to worship all hours of the day, to love and adore. He wanted a woman like Lady Christine.

"Good God, man, are you asleep already?"

Erik's thoughts were interrupted suddenly by the young Arthur. Erik sighed and sat up. Arthur and two of the other knights, Bryce and Francis, were striding in.

"Some of us aren't young enough to stay up all the hours of the night anymore," Erik said.

"Ah, come on, man. We're off to town where we're going to celebrate our return!" Arthur plopped on a chair and spread his legs out on Erik's bed.

"And let me guess how you're going to celebrate: women and wine."

Arthur's reply was a big smile.

Erik laughed. "As much as I would love to I need my sleep. I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Erik, you're not that old. You're a little over your thirtieth year. That is not old."

"It feels old."

Arthur sighed. "Are you telling me you don't want some good drink and a good woman tonight?"

A good woman did sound awfully tempting, Erik had to admit. He was practically aching for one; he would probably have to assuage his need tonight in the dark, unless he went to the pub with his friends. Still, he wasn't up to drinking and gallivanting tonight. He needed to rest, to think.

"No, go without me. I need to sleep."

Arthur got up as the rest of them started toward the door. "You'll be missing out," they called out to him.

He nodded. He knew. Oh, he knew.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

The next day Erik awoke and joined the other knights to break their fast before going to train. Their baron had excellent training rooms and necessities. They practiced and trained for a few hours before they had another meal and then continued for another few hours before ending for the day. The evening dinner would be ready around seven and they had to dress and get ready.

As the men bathed and dressed for dinner Erik started talking to Halebran. Halebran was the oldest knight among them; almost forty and seven. He had been training with the baron's family since he was thirteen. He had grown up with the baron. He was one of the best fighters and most brave knights. Everyone loved and trusted Halebran. With his quiet wisdom and unflinching honesty, he was a great, honorable man. Erik and he had always been close and Erik often went to him for advice and counsel. And today, Erik needed counsel.

"Halebran, you've known Baron Geoffrey for a long time," Erik began as they dressed in their rooms. The other knights laughed and talked around them.

Halebran nodded sagely.

"What do you think of him?"

Halebran looked at Erik curiously for a moment. "Well, I've known him since he was a boy like me. He's…very serious about his title and his wealth and his family. He's a proud man."

Halebran looked at Erik's disgruntled expression.

"You don't like him do you?"

Their eyes met and Erik shook his head.

"After the way that I saw him treat his wife last night, I wasn't impressed. He comes off pompous and arrogant and sniveling. I don't trust him. I don't trust any man that talks down to women or his friends."

"He is your lord," Halebran reminded him.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I have to like him."

Halebran stopped and looked at Erik seriously. "Yes, but you still need to respect him. How he treats your wife or his inferiors is not your business. I don't like how he treats his wife either, Erik. That does not mean, however, that I have any right to say this."

Erik frowned in frustration.

Halebran saw his friend's struggle and put his hand on his shoulder affectionately.

"Do your duty. Respect your lord, but pay him no attention. If you just ignore his behavior you'll come to get used to it."

"Exactly. I don't want to get used to it."

Halebran chuckled. "You're still the young, passionate man you were when I first met you; always angry over injustice. Tell me, why does the baron's behavior towards his wife bother you so much?"

Erik tried to hide his smirk. He knew he couldn't tell Halebran, no matter how close they were, the real reason he didn't like Geoffrey and his behavior towards Lady Christine.

"I just didn't like that he humiliated her."

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Christine combed her fingers through her hair idly as she sat on her bed. It was late afternoon and she was incredibly bored. She had spent half the day already in bed, not wanting to bump into her husband or any of the knights. She couldn't stand facing them after the horrible embarrassment last night. And Geoffrey was still furious at her. She did not want to be in his way. Dinner was going to be served soon and she wouldn't be needed any time soon until then. Meg was working. All she could do was sit in her bedroom and stare out her window while she pondered. She knew she should leave this room before she became severely depressed, but she didn't want to move.

Forcing herself, Christine got up and brushed off her gold gown. She walked out of her room and decided to go to the stables for a little while. Geoffrey didn't let her ride but she was allowed to visit the horses. That would pass the time.

Christine greeted the few stable hands warmly when she got to the stable. They were kind, polite people who always smiled at her and allowed her alone time with her favorite horse, Olderic. Olderic was an old horse that had belonged to her father and come with her when she married Geoffrey. He wasn't of much use to Geoffrey or any one for that matter, but he was a kind horse. Christine had loved him since childhood and made it a habit of hers to see him.

The stable hands politely left her alone with Olderic when she went into his stall. They all knew how much she valued her time with the old stallion.

Olderic was very happy when he saw Christine. He snorted with pleasure and strode toward her, nudging her affectionately.

"Hello, there. How are you, old friend?"

The old horse neighed in response.

"Good? Good. I am sorry I haven't visited with you in awhile. I couldn't come yesterday because we had guests arrive and I had to see them. But I'm here today. That's all that matters."

She sat down on a bale of hay next to the horse and petted its sleek, brown hair.

"It's been a couple of long weeks, my friend. Winter is always the hardest time of year, but lately Geoffrey has been in an incredibly foul mood. He continues to blame for not getting with child. He even brought it up last night in front of our guests. It was humiliating. But he didn't care. All he cares about is that I have not managed to become pregnant. I tried, I really did. I prayed every day that I wouldn't have my monthly cycle and that I'd get with child. I don't know what's wrong with me…

"Maybe I am barren. It is a possibility. I just…I just wish I wasn't the one who had to be barren. I don't understand what God is punishing me for," she cried.

Christine struggled against the tears beginning to stream down her face, but it was futile. She was already sobbing in front of the horse like a little child.

She felt so ridiculous. She was so weak, crying in front of Olderic like this. But she couldn't stop herself. She was miserable. She was tired of this life, of her husband, of who she was. She just wished she was away from everything, somewhere far and safe where she could breathe and live. She was tired of being alone in this cage of a marriage with a beast of a husband. She needed to…

"I don't see many women sitting in stalls feeding horses."

Christine jumped up immediately at the sound of a voice and almost fainted when she turned and saw Sir Erik at the stall door.

"Oh, Sir Erik! I'm sorry. I was…"

"Don't worry, Lady Christine. It is I who should be apologizing. I frightened you."

"Oh, well, just because I thought I was alone. I didn't expect anyone to…"

"You want to be alone?"

"No! It's just…I wasn't expecting you…or anyone for that matter."

Erik smiled. "Well, I was just coming to check on my horse. I didn't mean to interrupt your time with your horse or invade your privacy."

"You didn't, I assure you."

A tense silence filled the air as they looked at each other.

Erik cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, I guess I should be going…"

"You don't have to," Christine responded rather quickly.

He looked at her. "I don't?"

"Well, no. This isn't my stable. You are free to come and go through here as you choose."

"Thank you."

Christine watched him as he put up supplies on the wall rack. She could see through his tunic his strong back muscles. He was incredibly tall and well-built…She stopped herself as she realized what she was doing and went back to her horse.

Erik looked back at Christine as she continued petting her horse.

"You come here often, milady?"

Christine kept her back to him. "Sometimes. I enjoy seeing my horse."

"He is a fine horse. He seems rather old, though."

"Yes, he's quite old. I've known him since he was a colt and I was a young child."

Erik looked at her figure in the tight-fitting gold gown. He could imagine her as a child.

"Really? Was he your father's horse?"

"Yes. He was my father's horse. His name is Olderic."

Erik chuckled. "That's a good name. That was my younger brother's name."

Christine looked back at him and smiled. "Truly?"

"Yes. We called him "Old" for short."

She smiled warmly. "I sometimes call Olderic the same."

They smiled at each other for a long moment before Christine remembered where she was and what she was doing.

"Well," Christine said. "I guess I should be going. I need to prepare for dinner."

Erik kept his eyes on hers. "Yes."

She felt unnerved by his gaze and curtsied, hoping to get out of there as fast as possible.

"Good evening, Sir Erik. I will see you at dinner."

"Yes, milady," he whispered.

After a last look Christine quickly left the stable and tried to still her wild heart.


	4. Learn

IV:

IV:

Learn

Christine felt very awkward during the entire dinner that night. After running into Sir Erik in the stables and talking to him, eating dinner with him felt very strange. She wanted to look at him more, to understand, to learn who he was. He had been extremely kind to her in the stables and it had only made him more fascinating. He had listened to her and paid attention to her. No one since Meg had ever really done such a thing for her. More importantly, however, was how he had looked at her. He had a very unnerving, penetrating gaze, as if he was looking into her. No one had ever looked at her the way he had. No one treated her the way he did. She did not know whether to be wary or excited.

It was hard not to notice how masculine and virile the man was. He was very large; around six feet two and very broad in the chest. He was strong and well-built and sinewy. This was a lot different from her husband who was nowhere near in shape. He had let himself go over the past two years and gained weight in his midsection. He was already unattractive before, but even more so now. When he stood next to Sir Erik there was no comparison. Sir Erik was muscular and strapping, as well as handsome.

Christine felt herself blush as her thoughts centered on Sir Erik. She was glad no one could tell what she was thinking, or else she would be terribly embarrassed. She could spy Sir Erik out of the corner of her eye and she could have sworn seeing him look at her once or twice. She tried not to think too much about it, for it was sinful, but it excited her, nevertheless. She felt like a child again with a silly crush, but it felt nice. She hadn't felt this excited in a long time.

Erik was struggling sheepishly at dinner that night. After meeting with the lovely Lady Christine he had been unable to stop thinking about her. Now it was even worse. He had felt his heart soar when he saw her in the stables, but then had felt it sink immediately when he realized she was crying. He had wanted nothing more than to hold her and console her, but knew he couldn't. He had instead just snuck up on her and tried to cheer her out of her misery. She looked so miserable and alone in her beautiful gold gown in the stables, standing next to the horse as tears ran down her porcelain cheeks. He had to clench his hands to stop himself from reaching out and wiping her tears away. But he had managed to make her laugh and smile when he had told her about Olderic. It had all been worth it then.

He wondered now if she was thinking about him, if she felt the same feelings he did. He had thought he had seen her look at him a moment ago, but told himself he was just imagining it. He knew it was wrong to think of her this way, to even entertain ideas of them together, but looking at her made him weak. There was something about her…something that shocked and awed him. He couldn't even come up with the words to explain how she made him feel.

Christine looked up slightly from below her lashes at Sir Erik. He caught her gaze and they locked eyes for a precious second. Erik felt like his heart was about to burst when she looked at him like that. He knew. He knew he could love this woman.

"Wife!"

The entire table jumped when Geoffrey shouted at Christine. They immediately looked toward him.

"My lord?" Christine responded weakly.

"I am going to visit my nephew in a few weeks. I will be taking some of my knights with me. Who do you think should come with me?" Even though he was asking her opinion, he looked bored and disinterested.

Christine looked at Geoffrey and the knights dumbly. "Uh…I…don't know, my lord. Who do you think I should choose?"

Geoffrey rolled his eyes. "This is not difficult, Christine. Just choose who you would like to stay and protect you while I am gone."

Christine's mind reeled for a minute. Geoffrey would be gone. He was leaving knights of her choosing with her. She could choose some knights to stay and be with her. She looked at Sir Erik fleetingly. It was sinful to be even considering such an idea, but she quickly shook herself.

"Well, my lord, I believe it would be best if Sir Arthur and Sir Connor and Sir Rawley and Sir Erik stayed with me."

Erik looked at her incredulously for a moment and then to his lord.

Geoffrey nodded. "Fine. They will stay behind with you when we travel to see my nephew."

"Why are you seeing your nephew, my lord?" Christine asked.

Geoffrey sighed. "Business, wife; nothing that concerns you."

Christine couldn't be embarrassed or angry when he talked down to her. She was thrilled. Her husband would be gone in a few weeks and she'd be alone.

That night, however, she was not alone. When Christine settled into her nightdress and went to bed Geoffrey one of her servants walked in.

"Milady? I am sorry to interrupt, but his lord asks that you come to his bedchamber," the maid said meekly.

Christine froze and stared at the maid. "Did he say why?"

The maid shrugged unknowingly and walked off.

Christine tried to steady her beating heart. Surely her husband did not want her to spend the night with him. He probably just wanted to discuss something of importance.

Christine took a deep breath and left her room, walking as slowly as she could to her husband's bedchamber far down at the end of the hallway. The door was closed. She took another deep breath to steady herself and made a quick prayer before slowly opening the door. She peeked in and saw her husband dressed for bed already, tucked in. He looked straight at her.

"My lord, you asked for me," Christine stammered.

"You are to spend the night with your husband."

Christine kept her composure and tried not to cry or scream. She squared her shoulders and walked to the bed and got in next to him. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute. It will be over soon, she had to tell herself. It will be over soon.

"I've decided to give you another chance," Geoffrey said, not looking at her. "I've decided to try and get you with child again."

Christine closed her eyes tightly so she wouldn't cry.

"Will you be able to please me?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, my lord," she said honestly.

"It's your duty," he spat.

She nodded. "Yes."

"And you want a child, don't you? You want to be a good wife and give me an heir?"

Christine prayed silently for courage. "Yes."

"Then lie back."

Christine shut her eyes tightly as she did as her husband bid and lied back onto the bed. She kept silent as he pushed up her gown and began to penetrate her.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik had decided to go out to the bar with the other young knights that evening after dinner. He had felt elated after Lady Christine had decided that he would stay to be with her while her husband was gone. He did not know what he was going to do or how it was going to change things, but he had faith.

Erik had no idea what he was actually contemplating. He had always been very full of integrity and honor, and respect for the Church. He had never done anything very wrong in his life. He knew that pursuing his lord's wife was wrong and that it would be a very great sin, but right and wrong had for once not come clearly. He couldn't see the wrong in being with her. She was married, true, but he looked at the man she had been forced to marry and did not see a marriage. He saw a loveless shell that she was trapped in. If he had her he would never hurt her or treat her the way Baron Geoffrey did. He would worship her and give her everything she deserved. Was it wrong to love someone? To rescue someone? Was it not his duty as a knight to protect and save the weak and fight against evil? He did not see how those things were wrong.

He ignored the barmaids and prostitutes easily when he joined the men at the pub. The others were eager for women and getting into bed, but Erik was content just drinking and enjoying himself. He didn't need any other woman right now and he didn't need to be drunk. He was happy just relaxing.

Halebran joined them a little while later. The old knight had gone off after the dinner to see his wife and his children but joined the men later that night. He looked replete and content. After being away for so long at war he was happy to be back and see his family. Halebran wasn't the same without his loved ones. He needed them like he needed water and air.

Erik had always looked up to Halebran. When he had first came to Baron Geoffrey's holding and trained as a knight, Halebran had been there, mentoring him and guiding him. Halebran worked excessively hard, never tiring or giving up. He was disciplined, controlled, and wise. He lived a set of rules, a code that not many men could live up to. He followed the Code of Chivalry strictly, never straying from doing right. He loved his family and honored his wife and never faltered in his loyalty. Standing next to him, Erik often felt inadequate and wanted to do all he could to be like him. He admired Halebran in every way. He admired his leadership qualities, his strength, his honor, and his honesty. He dedicated his life to be the kind of man Halebran was.

Halebran patted Erik's back and sat next to him on a stool at the bar. Behind them Arthur and some of the other knights laughed drunkenly as girls were strewn over them. Halebran and Erik looked at the young men and laughed.

"I remember when I was that age," Halebran laughed.

Erik looked at him. "I can't imagine you were ever like that."

"Well, I wasn't as wild as they are, but I had my times. It all changed of course when I met Jocelyn."

Erik smiled. "How long have you two been married?"

Halebran smiled as he reflected. "Oh, my. Well, it seems it's been nineteen years now. She was only seventeen when we married."

"Nineteen years…That's a long time."

"Yes, but I can still remember the first day I met her and day we married. It feels just like yesterday, actually. She still looks the same and is still beautiful. She's the same woman to me."

Erik looked into his cup. "That's a wonderful thing to have; a woman."

Halebran nodded. "It is. You can be with hundreds of different women, but when you find one great one, you forget all the others. To love one human being and dedicate your life to them is the greatest achievement in life."

"How did you know? How did you know Jocelyn was the one?"

"I knew it when I realized I couldn't live without her. If I couldn't be with her, I would just cease living."

Erik nodded. "Can you love someone and not know it?"

Halebran looked at him and smiled. "Everyday."


	5. Separated

V:

V:

Separated

Christine woke up that morning miserable. She had been forced to spend most of the night with Geoffrey in his room and it had not fared well. He had tried to impregnate her not once but twice. It had taken him a long time and he was soon frustrated and angry with her. He was not gentle. It had been painful and uncomfortable and cold. When he was done he had rudely ordered her to leave his room. She had been so humiliated she couldn't even look at him. She just hung her head and silently left the room.

She had never understood what people talked about when they said how wonderful and passionate love making was. She had often overheard servants and maids and heard them tell the intimate details of their life. Sometimes they described the marriage act as incredible and full of fire and love. She had certainly never experienced any of those emotions. Making love, if that was what it was, with Geoffrey was horrible. And she certainly couldn't imagine it getting any better. Sometimes she wondered if it was just because she was not passionate herself or because she was a good person to be with. Maybe Geoffrey enjoyed it with other women, women who could please him, unlike her.

She had no idea to please him, though. Her mother had not told her anything before she got married. She had been very bewildered her wedding night when Geoffrey explained what he was going to do to her when she learned. By then she could not ask any questions or protest. He had just taken control and started. He had not told her what he wanted or even given any sign of his feelings. It had been as cold as last night had been.

Christine sometimes wondered if maybe she should ask for advice or help from Meg, but it would severely embarrass her. She did not want to look like an unpleasing, unattractive wife who was some young innocent and had no idea what she was doing. Besides, it was wrong to ask Meg those kinds of questions. They were friends but they still their places, and it would wrong to ask a servant advice about the marriage act.

The only comfort Christine could draw from was the fact that Geoffrey would be leaving in a few weeks to see his nephew and he would be gone. She could finally breathe and not have to worry about his presence every minute of the day. Maybe she could actually have some freedom and finally do something she would like to do. God knows she wanted to ride her horses or enjoy herself a little bit. She might not have much to do or many friends, but it would be easier without Geoffrey around to do more.

After breaking her fast that morning, Christine moped around the castle. She was very hurt from last night and did not want to talk to anyone or face Geoffrey again. She knew if she saw him she would blush scarlet and apologize profusely for anything he accused her of.

After walking around the castle gardens miserably for some time she ended up just sitting on a stone bench and closing her eyes. All around her she felt so alone and bewildered. Even sitting on the stone bench she still felt like the world would cave her in.

Erik walked out into the beautiful, but desolate gardens and looked around. He had had a vigorous training session today and he wanted some time to sit and relax. Upon seeing the Lady Christine, however, all idea of relaxation and calm flew away. He stared at her in awe, her face profile to him. She looked so troubled, so alone. He could see her face etched in confusion and hurt. He wanted so much to just reach out and help her. But how? How could he help her?

Christine slowly opened her eyes and looked at the overcast sky. She turned her head suddenly and almost gasped when she saw Sir Erik.

"I'm sorry," he immediately apologized. "I scared you again."

She put a hand to her chest and breathed. "No, do not apologize, Sir Erik. It is no fault. I just thought I was alone."

You're alone a lot, he thought.

"Do you mind if I am here, milady?"

"No. You are free to be wherever you wish, Sir Erik."

"But I don't want to disturb you."

She smiled. "You're not."

Smiling also, Erik moved closer and sat down next to her. He could feel the palpable tension in the air and sat stiffly, bent over with his hands clasped.

"We seem to run into together a lot," he said.

She chuckled softly. "Yes, I guess we do."

He tried not to look at her. She was incredibly beautiful. It was almost too much to sit near her.

"Did you sleep well?"

She stiffened at his question. "Yes."

He looked at her and wondered why her answer had been so tight and she had suddenly gone so wooden.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," she answered far too quickly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

She closed her eyes in frustration. "You didn't. I am sorry. It is just…"

"Yes?"

"Some things are better left not discussed."

He fiddled with his hands. "Milady, I know I am not your kin or your close friend, but I would like you to know you can trust me with anything. You can tell me whatever you would like. Nothing would leave my lips."

She stared at him. "I do trust you, Sir Erik. I…I just can't say some things because they are not proper. And…I would not have you look at my husband or me distastefully."

"Did your husband do something?"

"No…Well…It does not matter. He is your lord and I am his wife."

"Yes, milady."

Christine felt terrible for putting a wall between them, but she knew she couldn't tell Sir Erik the intimate details of her life and her marriage. It was not his business and not her place to tell. She had to keep secrets. From everyone. Even herself.

"Things were much different when I was younger," Christine heard herself say idly.

Erik looked at her. "You're still young."

She laughed. "I don't feel it. I'm seventeen and I feel like I've lived a hundred years."

He chuckled, realizing they shared something in common. "I feel the same way sometimes. The men often joke about how I may be thirty and two, but I act like I am seventy."

"Thirty and two? You are that age?"

He laughed. "You thought I was older?'

"No. I'm just…surprised that you are that young."

"Young? You think thirty and two is young?"

"It's younger than forty and five."

Erik silenced at the mention of her husband's age. Her husband was far too much older than her. He thought taking a young bride her age when Geoffrey was his age was very sickening.

"Well, I am still young, yes. I should be getting married soon, though, and raising a family."

"Marriage? That is something…When do you think that will happen?"

"When I find the right woman."

Their eyes locked for a moment and it was as if everything had stopped around them. They could see far into the depths of each other the feelings they shared, the desires they both had. It was overwhelming to look at each other and see each other mirrored in their eyes. Christine felt her body warm and her heart pound from the tumult of feelings looking at him created in her. She had never felt so enraptured, so lost, so enveloped by some nameless force. She was ware of all his movements, of his breathing and his eyes and his face so near her. She could feel the heat from his body emanating from him onto her. It was intoxicating.

Erik looked at Christine and her tempting beauty. Being so near her made him feel weak. He stared at her succulent lips and her dark eyes and her soft skin. He wanted so much to reach out and touch her, to touch her skin. He wanted to learn more of her secrets. He leaned in slightly, hoping to get closer. He just wanted to be near, to feel some part of her.

Slowly, their faces edged closer to each others and their lips came closer to touching. Parting her lips, Christine leaned in closer as well and started to close her eyes. Erik's hand reached up to cup her face.

"Christine! Christine!"

Christine jerked up suddenly and looked at the castle wide-eyed.

"That's Geoffrey."

Erik looked at her bewildered.

"I have to go…"

Erik watched her in confusion as she gathered herself and ran off quickly to the castle where her husband had called for her.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"Where were you? I had to call for you three times!" Geoffrey shouted at her as she came into the great hall quickly.

"I'm sorry, my lord. I was in the garden."

"And you couldn't hear me from the garden?"

"Well…I was talking to Sir Erik. I'm very sorry, my lord. We were having a discussion."

"When I call for you it is your duty to come immediately. I don't care who you are talking to!"

Christine looked down at her feet, ashamed and embarrassed.

"Of course, my lord. It won't happen again."

"Damn right it will not."

At that moment Erik ran in and looked at his lord and Christine. He looked at his lord and bowed low.

"My lord, I am sorry. Do not punish the lady. It was my fault that she didn't come to you earlier."

"Sir Erik, this is none of your concern. Do not trouble yourself. It was my wife's fault and her fault alone," he said as he held his hand up.

Erik felt his jaw clench in fury. "No, sir. It was mine. I refuse to let your wife to take the blame."

Geoffrey turned and looked at Erik incredulously. "Are you challenging me?"

Christine stared wide-eyed at the both of them.

Erik straightened, though, and showed no fear. "Yes, my lord. As a knight, I refuse to allow anyone take responsibility for my actions or my mistakes. Your wife and I were involved in a deep conversation and I disabled her from answering you."

Geoffrey looked at Christine momentarily and then looked back at Erik.

"You are saying it was your fault entirely that my wife did not come to me? You want that blame?"

"Yes, sir."

Geoffrey nodded. "Even though I cannot believe that you were at fault instead of my…wife, I will evade from punishing her and place the blame on you. Apologize to me for keeping my wife from me."

"I am sorry my lord for keeping your wife from you. I was selfish and thoughtless. Please accept my apology and forgive me. It will never happen again."

Geoffrey nodded. "I do forgive you. Now, I will retire. I've had enough of this conversation." He turned to Christine. "Don't let this happen again."

Christine nodded weakly and looked down as he strode out of the great hall. When he walked away she looked up at Erik.

"Why did you do that?'

A faint smile fell upon his lips. "I…I didn't want him to hurt you again. It wasn't your fault."

She stared at him in shock. "Why do you care, sir knight? Why do you care how my husband treats me or what happens to me?"

"Because my lady, I think you have incredible value. Any other man would cherish the treasure you are."

Taken aback by his words, Christine looked at him in wonder. No one had ever said anything like that to her.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Looking at her, Erik mustered his courage and walked toward her. "My lady…"

"I'm sorry. I have to go," she said quickly before leaving the grand hall.

Erik could do nothing but look after her in sadness.


	6. Confused

VI:

VI:

Confusion

Christine had been overwhelmed by the feelings erupting in her. All week she had been confused, disoriented and lost. She would lie in bed and look up at the ceiling and think. She would sit in the garden and ponder. She would sit by her window and try to sort out the madness that had occurred. She did not know what was happening to her, but she knew who was responsible: Sir Erik. Ever since she had met him she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. And after last week when he had defended her in front of Geoffrey and taken the blame, she had been even more bewildered. His kindness and chivalry had taken her completely by surprise. Why would he do something like that? Why would he care? Why did he think she was special? She thought about him every minute, seeing his face in her mind, thinking about the way he looked at her. No one treated her the way he did. No one made her feel the way he made her feel.

She didn't want to admit to herself that she was attracted to him, that she wanted him. She didn't want to admit that she was sinful and wrong and was actually thinking about another man. Her bred guilt weighed on her conscience whenever she thought about Erik, but she still couldn't deny the feelings in her heart. She got excited whenever she saw Erik or whenever they spoke. She noticed everything about him from his ears to his calves to the curve of his lips. She loved every part, and she wanted every part of him. Was it wrong? Yes, but when she saw him smile or look at her with those eyes, she could not care less.

Still, she could not act on her feelings, and that was difficult. She had to keep a healthy distance from him and she had to steel herself against anymore alone time with him. She was not going to be an adulteress, and she was not going to lie or sin anymore than she had. It would be wrong to create anything of a relationship with Erik, even if she wanted to. All she could be content with was talking to him at dinner or seeing him pass by. Even those small moments lit up her entire day.

Geoffrey had no idea how she felt or her inner struggle. He was wrapped up as always in himself and wanted nothing to do with her. After their last time together he had stayed away from her. She imagined he'd probably consult her or her maids in a few weeks to know if she had missed her monthly bleeding yet, but that would be all the interest he would have in her. He was occupied with the knights or preparing to see his nephew in a week. Christine was absolutely fine with it; for once she was happy that her husband had no care for her.

At every dinner she could ignore every word her husband said as she gazed at his handsome knight. She felt childish, stupid and wrong, but whenever she looked over at him she felt giddy. Sometimes he would look back at her. Sometimes he would just smile and act like nothing was happening. She was fine with that. She knew they had to pretend that they weren't attracted to each other. Still, that was hard.

Christine didn't dare tell anyone about her feelings for Erik, but she did talk to Meg about men and the knights. Lately, Meg had fallen for one of the knights and was absolutely drunk on the feeling. All she ever wanted to talk about was the knight and how handsome and charming and brave he was. Christine would sit with her as she did her chores and listen dutifully as Meg went on for hours about her infatuation.

"Have you talked to him?" Christine asked one afternoon as Meg did laundry and Christine ate an apple.

"Well, I've said a few words. But, honestly, I don't think he even really notices me. He's always busy."

"You need to find a way to put yourself in his path. Then he'll see you and fall for you immediately."

Meg blushed. "Please, Christine, that's ridiculous. He's probably seen much more beautiful women than me."

"Meg, how can you say such a thing? You're beautiful!"

Meg bit her lip. "I don't know…"

"Trust me, Meg. You're as lovely as anything. And he would be lucky to have a woman like you."

"Really?"

Christine smiled. "Of course."

"How do I put myself in his path, though?"

Christine thought for a moment. "Well, I could arrange for you to bring out dinner tonight and you serve him his meal. You could lean toward him so he could see you and you could bat your eyes and give him a smile. That would be perfect."

"Does that work?"

Christine really had no idea; she had heard this bit of information from her older sister.

"Yes. I heard it does."

"What if it does not?"

"Well, then we will forget him. You're too good for anyone anyway."

Meg smiled. "When did you get so sweet and sentimental?"

Christine smiled. "I don't know."

"Has something happened?"

Christine looked down, shy and embarrassed. "No."

Meg immediately stopped her cleaning and rushed over to Christine at her feet.

"Oh, goodness, what is it? You have to tell me! Did something happen? Are you…? Are you having a baby?"

Christine snapped toward Meg. "Of course not. What made you think that?"

"Because you are glowing." Meg noticed Christine's worried frown. "What? Do you not want to have a baby?"

"Not…Not really."

"Why ever not?"

"Well…because…I'm not ready. A baby would be a terrible problem to have right now."

"A problem? Christine, are you crazy? I thought a baby was all you and Geoffrey wanted."

"That's what Geoffrey wants, not me. Besides, he has not succeeded in his task. He's failed miserably. He blames me for not getting with child when it is probably his fault."

Meg reared back at Christine's shocking words. "What…?"

Christine fought back her tears. "I'm sorry, Meg…I shouldn't have said anything…"

Meg pulled Christine toward her so she could look at her.

"Christine, what is wrong? Are you not happy with Geoffrey?"

Christine looked at Meg with her teary eyes and shook her head weakly.

Meg pulled Christine into her arms and tried to soothe her as Christine sobbed pitifully.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik looked out his barrack window contemplatively and rubbed his jaw in thought. The full moon shone brightly against a blanket of light cloud hiding it. The sky was beautifully dark and the air was bitterly cold. He could see all of the stars shining down from behind their clouds. He could feel the winter wind bite at him through the weak fabric of his shirt. He was freezing, but he continued staring up at the sky and standing there.

"Who is she?"

Erik turned suddenly at the voice and sighed when he saw Halebran.

"Halebran, I didn't know you were here."

"Who is she, Erik?"

Erik sighed again and looked out the window. "A woman, a beautiful woman, a woman I can't have."

Halebran walked over and sat down next to Erik, staring up at the sky with him.

"Why can't you have her?"

"Several complications. I will not go into detail about it, but…it's complicated."

"Do you love her?"

Erik looked at him. "I don't know."

"Well, if you do, and I think you do, then those complications don't matter."

"It's not that simple."

"What's simpler than love?"

"What's more complicated than love?"

"Would you know? Have you ever been in love?"

Erik looked out the window and frowned. Not until now.

"If you love her, take her."

Erik looked at Halebran.

Maybe it was that simple.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Christine looked around herself nervously as she stood in the darkly lit corridor in a remote part of the castle. She looked everywhere, outside, around the doorways, and tried to calm herself. She was so nervous, so fearful. Erik had told her secretly for a moment when they passed by each other to meet him alone in the east corridor in the back of the castle at around three in the afternoon. Curious and excited, Christine had not said anything but come here anyway. She had no idea why he wanted to meet her in private but she had an idea and she was a bundle of emotions over it. She was worried, scared, excited and just a mess. What if someone saw them together here? What if he didn't come? What if she did something? What if…?

"You came."

Christine turned, holding back her gasp when she laid eyes on Erik.

"Of course I came."

He strode toward her purposely and she felt her heart beat a million miles a second. Her breath caught in her throat when he came near her.

"Christine…" he breathed.

She inhaled his scent and closed her eyes in the ecstasy of being so near him. His heat radiated off of him onto her, making her feel drugged.

"I don't even know what to say…" he whispered.

"You don't have to," she replied.

"No, I need to. I need to tell you…how I feel. I know it's wrong, but I feel it. It burns through me."

She tried not to think, but just focus on what he was saying. She wanted to laugh in happiness at what he was saying to her.

"I…I want you, Christine. I want you so badly I feel weak, like any minute I'll die if I don't see you."

Christine gasped softly, astounded by his words. She had never wanted to hear anything more and she had never been so happy to hear something.

"I…I want you too…so much."

Erik gazed at her and stroked her face. His eyes rested on hers dreamily and he stared at her with such tenderness she felt like she was going to melt.

Slowly, he leaned in toward her and softly brought her face closer to his. Looking into her eyes for assurance and permission, he grazed his lips against hers and she moaned softly. Hearing her response, he pressed his mouth deep onto hers and their lips came together in a sparkling, eruption of passion and fire. Feeling tears run down her cheeks, Christine kissed him back fervently and pulled him closer toward her. She wanted more. She wanted it all. She wanted to be with him. But…she couldn't.

As if awaking from a dream, Christine suddenly pulled away and broke the kiss. Confused, Erik looked at her in question as she touched her lips and breathed shallowly.

"What's wrong? Christine?"

She felt her eyes well up with tears again, but not because she was happy. She looked at him sadly and shook her head.

"I can't. I'm so sorry, Erik, but I can't…"

He looked as if she had stabbed him. "What?"

"I can't do this…I can't…I'm not like this…I'm sorry…"

Sobbing, Christine pulled out of his embrace and started running away.

"Christine!" he yelled after her. "Christine!"

_A.N.- I use music to inspire me when I write romantic or sexy scenes. Here's a list if you're ever in need of good music to inspire: _

_From This Moment On- Shania Twain_

_Forever and For Always- Shania Twain _

_Hollow-Tricky_

_I Don't Have the Heart-James Ingram_

_Halfway Around the World- A-Teens_

_Sugar Rush-A-Teens_

_The Power of Love-Celine Dion_

_Because You Loved Me-Celine Dion_

_Kiss From a Rose-Seal_

_Take My Breath Away-Berlin_

_Next Time I Fall-Peter Cetera and Amy Grant_

_If You're Not the One-Daniel Bedingfield_

_Addicted-Enrique Iglesias_

_Everything I Do (I Do It For You)-Bryan Adams_

_Father Figure-George Michael_

_I Turn to You-Melanie C_

_I Drove All Night-Celine Dion_

_Not Ready for Goodbye-All-4-One_


	7. Threshold

VII:

VII:

Threshold

Christine had run to her room, sobbing quietly, until she found her room and locked herself in it. She cried like a child, throwing herself upon her bed and sobbing into her pillow. The tears couldn't stop coming. The more and more she thought about it the more her heart broke and the more her tears came. She couldn't hold back. All she could do was lie in bed and feel terrible. Her heart was weak, a breaking, pitiful mass of pure ache. Her throat burned and her eyes felt heavy from her crying, and her body felt heavy from the pain welling up inside her. She wanted a way out of this mess; she wanted to stop feeling like this. She didn't want to hurt anymore.

What had she been thinking? Should she have continued kissing Erik and gone farther? Or had she done the right thing? What was worse? She wanted Erik so bad she could feel it vibrate through her blood. When his lips had first touched hers and they had kissed, it had felt like magic, pure fire. Her spirit had exploded from the joy and the beauty of it. She had never experienced anything so incredible or pleasurable, and it was just a kiss!

But then she remembered who she was and what she was. She was married. She did not love her husband, nor did she volunteer to marry him, but she was married just the same. She had made a vow before God to love him and honor him and be faithful. Being with Erik was not being faithful or honorable. She couldn't just do anything she wanted. She had a duty as a wife and a Christian woman. She needed to be true, to be noble, no matter how hard that would be.

Christine wiped her eyes reluctantly as she sat up and decided she was doing the right thing. Yes, she wanted Erik. She wanted him more than anything, more than she could say or imagine, but she wasn't going to sin. She was going to do the right thing. She was going to be the kind of person her husband couldn't be. Two wrongs did not make a right. And being with Erik was very, very wrong.

It was strange. She didn't even know what she wanted with Erik. After being with Geoffrey she couldn't imagine lovemaking being good with anyone period. She wasn't even sure she wanted to do it ever again. It had been so awful before, why wouldn't it be bad now? Still, she wanted Erik in some physical way. She wanted more than just a kiss or a hug or a moment of words. She wanted union, something she had never known or experienced. Could he even give her that? Could he even give her all that she needed?

Christine was not going to think about it anymore, however. She was not going to be with Erik. She was going to keep her distance and ignore him. She had made her decision. She had promised herself. She was not going to compromise everything she believed in and everything she had vowed for something that she couldn't even begin to understand. She was going to be the moral one. She was going to take a stand and keep the higher ground.

Christine straightened herself and spread the wrinkles out of her dress. Tilting her chip up regally, she walked out of her room and into the grand hall.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik ripped the door practically off its hinges when he stormed into the barracks. Overturning the bed and the dresser, Erik roared in rage and dug himself into a furious oblivion. He was so frustrated, so angry. He threw himself on his bed and tried to calm the wrath boiling in his veins. He wanted to kill someone, to rip them apart. He wanted to kill Geoffrey, the bastard! He wanted to take that son of a bitch and destroy him. He had his Christine! He had her and he didn't even realize, didn't even appreciate his luck. How he wanted to take Christine in his arms. God, how he wanted to worship her body until they were both too weak to even move. All he could think about was her kiss and how sweet she had tasted. He could imagine how much sweeter she would taste everywhere else, how sweet she would feel under him. It was all he could think about.

He knew there were complications. He knew she was married and he was her husband's knight. He knew it was morally wrong, against the Church and God to be together. He knew all of this. But it didn't change how he felt. It didn't change the fact that her husband was a bastard that didn't deserve her. It didn't change the fact that she was miserable with Geoffrey. Society might not approve, but what did that matter? They were more important. She was more important.

Erik knew that Christine was considering all of these things and that was probably the reason she had fled. She was a good, righteous woman; she was not just going to sin or behave rashly. He knew it would take a lot of convincing to get her to realize how much they needed each other and how worth it it would be. He would have to help her know that she was safe with him, that he wouldn't desert her or judge her. He needed to tell her he would love her.

Erik sat up and stared across the room out the window. The afternoon sun was becoming weaker as the day went on. He could imagine that right now the other knights were taking a quick break from training for the day before going a few more hours until dinner.

He hadn't told any of them about his feelings for Christine. He knew he couldn't. It killed him that he had to lie to his best, most loyal friends, but he could never tell them that he was falling in love with their lord's wife. They would never understand. No one would. He barely understood it himself.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik watched her quietly in the corner as she talked to one of the maids. He watched stealth fully and tried not to make a move. She looked so beautiful in her dark blue gown, with her long hair tied in a beautiful braid. He swallowed his anxiety and nervousness and steeled his muscles from fidgeting or combusting. He had to calm himself as he stood there and waited.

Finally she moved away from the maid and said goodbye and Erik felt his heart jump. Pulling back farther so she couldn't see him, he waited for her to get closer. As she walked by unsuspectingly he waited a few seconds and then quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her into the dark corner with him. Holding his hand against her mouth so she wouldn't scream, Erik held her close and looked around. No one saw or was near. He looked down at Christine. Her eyes were wide with shock. Slowly, he let go.

"Erik! What on earth…?" she shrieked.

"Shh!" he whispered. "I need to talk to you."

"I can't see you," she said as she tried to pull away.

He stopped her. "Please, Christine, we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," she lied.

He looked at her in confusion. "What about the kiss yesterday? That is something to discuss."

Christine shifted uncomfortably. "That was a mistake."

"Mistake? Christine, that was anything but a mistake."

"Erik, we can't do this…"

"I know. I know it's wrong, but…" He reached up and pushed back a stray strand of her soft hair. "I cannot pretend that I don't…want you."

Her eyes softened with wonder and joy at his words.

"I've never felt this way about anyone before. I know it's wrong, and I know you don't want to do anything you would regret, but trust me…All I want to do is take care of you…to love you. You deserve that much, and God knows your husband does not give you any of that."

She was a little embarrassed that he had noticed Geoffrey's behavior toward her. "You have no idea what goes between me and my husband."

Erik frowned at her. "Christine, you don't have to pretend with me. I watch you. I know he does not treat you right or love you the way you deserve. He doesn't know how wonderful you are, how lucky he is to have you."

Christine blushed and tried to avoid his hot gaze that unnerved her so.

"I know you're unhappy, Christine. And I know that he's the cause of it. He hurts you, doesn't he? He's cruel and harsh and cold with you? He doesn't know how to touch you?"

Christine felt her body grow hot at his words and his touch as he caressed her arms.

"I know how to touch you, Christine," he whispered in a husky whisper. He leaned in next to her ear. "I know how to make you forget everything he's ever done to you and how to make you feel like a woman. I know how to show you pleasure unlike whatever you've imagined."

Christine gasped softly at his promise that she was so sure he could fill, and leaned in toward him. Oh, God, she knew he could give her all those things. She was positive he could make her forget Geoffrey. She was sure he would be unlike she would experience. But her conscience screamed at her. It told her she was weak and wrong and needed to stop this before it went any further.

She pulled away from him and looked up at him.

"I can't, Erik…I just…can't."

Looking down at her thoughtfully, Erik suddenly brought his mouth down on hers and trapped her in a heated kiss. Taken aback by the unexpected move, Christine opened her eyes in shock at what he was doing. But as his kiss became deeper and his hold became warm and strong, she felt her resistance and her conscience drift away. She could only hear her heart drum wildly against his and smell his intoxicating scent as he kissed her more and more. And when he began to push her mouth open with his tongue and gently invaded her warmth, Christine felt control and sanity slip. All she could feel was Erik's mouth on hers and his tongue caressing the inner depths of her mouth. She moaned in pleasure and returned the heated gesture, causing him to hold her tighter and groan in response. He drew her closer and kissed her deeper, drowning her in erotic and sensual emotion. She couldn't think. She couldn't speak. She could only feel. She could feel his mouth devour hers gently and she could feel his hard body against hers and the heat that sparked between them. She had never known this passion, this pleasure. She had never known the wonder of another human being's touch like this. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced, unlike anything she had ever known.

Breaking apart momentarily, Erik looked at her with heated eyes. She couldn't find her breath or say anything. She felt her throat go dry and her mind go blank as she just looked up at him in awe.

"I can't have you say no. I won't let you," he whispered.

She stared at him. "And I can't say yes."

"How can I convince you?"

She shook her head. "I don't know."

He grinned and stroked her cheek. "I do."


	8. Anticipation

VIII:

VIII:

Anticipation

A/N: I'm sorry it took me forever. With classes and stuff I've had no time to write. I'll try to update my two others as well so you guys can read those. Enjoy! It's a good chapter!

Christine shivered with excitement and was about to lean up and kiss Erik, when they heard approaching footsteps. Pulling them closer into the darkness of the corner, Erik hid them and listened closely as the two servants walked by chattering. They were gone in a few seconds and hadn't seen the two. Both sighing with relief, they relaxed and stood still for a moment.

"That was close," Erik whispered.

Christine nodded. "We could have easily been seen."

Erik stared down at her. "But we weren't."

Christine looked away and slowly began to untangle herself from him, hoping to maybe compose herself and leave before anything else happened. But Erik quickly grabbed her and stopped her.

"Don't go."

"I have to," she responded. "It's late. If the servants notice that I'm gone they might tell Geoffrey."

"Well, when can I see you again?"

She looked at him incredulously. "We can't see each other again."

"Tomorrow night? You could sneak out of bed and meet me here at midnight?"

"Are you crazed? We can't meet here in the middle of the night! We cannot meet period!"

Erik sighed. "Please. We would only talk."

Christine looked at him disbelievingly. She was positive that that was not what Erik wanted to do.

"Tomorrow? Midnight? It would only be a few minutes."

"And what if we are caught? What then?"

He straightened. "I will defend your honor."

Christine felt a surge of happiness flow through her. He was undoubtedly chivalrous, that was true. And she was pretty sure she could trust him.

Erik gazed at her with his intent green eyes. "I won't do anything that you don't want me to."

Christine looked at him and a small smile fell on her lips. "I don't believe you."

He smiled. "Trust me."

Christine suddenly sobered at the mention, however, of Erik's true intent in his words, as her fears over swept her.

"Erik…I'm not even sure that you want me as a…lover. I'm not passionate or very good at it. I find the whole act very terrible actually. I have no wish to repeat it with anyone."

Erik didn't tease her or make fun of her confession. He considered her words gravely and nodded.

"You won't have to worry about that, Christine. Unfortunately, your first experience with carnal matters was negative and your husband wasn't sensitive to the fact that you are young and were a virgin. But trust me. I know how to make love to a woman."

Christine blushed profusely at his words and tried to avoid his gaze.

"Even a woman like me?" she asked weakly.

He came closer to her and stroked her hair out of her face tenderly. "Especially a woman like you."

Leaning down, Erik placed a gentle and warm kiss on her lips and she kissed him back happily.

When they broke the quick kiss they held each other and let their faces touch intimately.

"Tomorrow, then?" Erik whispered, his lips inches away from Christine's.

She smiled despite herself. "Yes. I will come tomorrow."

Erik smiled widely and kissed her again.

"Yes."

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Christine lied in bed restlessly, unable to sleep or even rest peacefully. Her mind and body was a jumble of nerves. She could not believe she had said yes to Erik and agreed to meet tonight. What was she thinking? She couldn't meet him in the middle of the night in the castle where anyone could see them or find them. Surely they would be caught and then Erik and she would both be killed. Then they'd burn in hell for eternity.

But Christine was lying to herself if she told herself that was the reason why she was so nervous. She was nervous because she knew that if she met with Erik tonight she knew what it would probably entail, and that scared her the most. She was so afraid that Erik would finally see her exposed and vulnerable and realize she was not worth being with. Geoffrey had told her numerous times that she was not passionate and unfeeling and awful. Erik would just find out and realize how true an assessment that really was. And did she even want to be involved with Erik like that? She had made love before and found it only to be messy and uncomfortable. How would this time be any different?

She was curious, of course. Erik was a much different man than Geoffrey. Not only was he younger, better-looking, more fit, more strong, but he was also kind and considerate. She doubted he would say she was repulsive to her face. And when she kissed him and he held her she did feel a heat permeate her body and feel a strange ache in her loins. She thought it might have to do with the way Erik made her feel. And that feeling was wonderful.

Picking herself up and deciding to just see him so she could keep her promise, Christine drew on her robe and shoes quietly. Trying to calm herself, Christine straightened herself out and silently opened her door. She looked around to see if anyone was about and sighed in relief when all the candles were snuffed and not a soul was around. Looking circumspectly at the halls around her, Christine kept close to the wall as she followed her way down to the hidden depths of the castle where Erik waited for her.

When she finally found the underground halls of the castle, she stood awkwardly, waiting in anticipation and fear. Maybe she had made a mistake in coming here.

"I had my doubts about you coming."

Christine didn't turn around when she heard Erik's voice. She was afraid to face him.

"I was considering not coming."

Erik smiled. "But you did."

Christine still kept her back to him when she replied, "I did."

Erik walked slowly toward her and could feel her tense up as he came near. She had her eyes half-closed almost in an attempt to not be able to see him. He almost smiled.

"Don't be nervous," he whispered.

She kept her eyes down. "I'm not."

He lifted her chin up and looked into her eyes. "You can trust me."

Christine felt naked as he stared her straight in the eye and a tear went down her cheek.

"You should reconsider this, Erik. You don't want me."

Erik gently wiped the tear away. "Yes, I do."

Turning her gaze away, Erik pulled her back to look at him.

"Let me take care of you. I know what I'm doing."

Christine nodded, allowing herself to give herself up to his hold and his protection. She couldn't do this on her own. She needed him to guide her.

Sensing her compliance, Erik brought his lips close to her ears and dragged them across her cheeks gingerly. Christine shivered at the sensual move and held onto him as he continued his tender assault. Bringing his lips across her soft, exposed skin, he kissed the sensitive parts of her, the hollow of her neck, the base of her throat, her eyelids and under her chin. Christine sighed under his light kisses, unsure of what was going on around her besides Erik's sweet imprint on her body.

Erik then kissed her lips hungrily and they opened their mouths to each other eagerly, wanting to taste and touch. They both felt weak from the heat spiraling between them and the emotions stirring within their hearts. Their lips consumed each other in a dire need for love and intimacy. They wanted to be closer. They wanted to feel like a part of each other.

Christine moaned in happiness as Erik kissed her and then opened her robe and slid his hand over her night dress. His hand felt hot even through the fabric of the gown; she felt as if he would set her on fire. She wanted this, she realized. She wanted him to touch her and explore her for she wanted to do the same. She gingerly eased her hands onto his chest and sighed as she felt even through his tunic the hard, muscled contours of his body. He was so strong and solid; it took her breath away.

Pulling her closer, Erik kissed her deeper as his hand roved over the front of her gown and began to touch her breasts. Her body instantly inflamed from the intimate touch and she held her breath as he lightly fondled them through the fabric. His breath in her ear, she whimpered against the erotic and sensual brazenness he was bestowing on her. It felt so good, she mused, barely keeping a conscious thought as his tender caresses became more and more satisfying and he began to pull the neckline of her gown down.

Arching for him so he could pull the gown down farther, she held onto his shoulders as he exposed her ripe breasts and gazed at them hungrily. She was too aroused to feel ashamed or embarrassed at this moment. All she wanted was for him to touch her more. And he did. Bringing his mouth down to her breast, he kissed it lightly, sending surges of spark through her body. It was so erotic, so intimate. And when he began to kiss it further and tease her nipple with his tongue, she couldn't keep from crying out in desperation.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as he went to the other breast and suckled it with his mouth, giving her no mercy with his tenderness.

She whimpered from the pleasure-pain and held onto him tighter, never wanting his sweet assault to end.

Sighing frustratingly when he rose up from her breast, she looked into his eyes pleadingly.

"Don't stop," she whispered.

He smiled with male satisfaction. "But there's so much more."

She chuckled weakly, not believing anything could be more wonderful.

But when he reached down and began to pull up the hem of her gown, she felt her body tremble with anticipation and excitement. His eyes still locked on hers, he slowly grazed his hand over her sex, the slight touch electrifying her.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

She smiled. "Yes."

Kissing her, he moved his fingers over her feminine mound and slowly began to part her folds, inciting a gasp from her lips. But he kissed her mouth and moved his fingers deeper into her, finding her already hot and wet. He easily slid his fingers in her and her body responded eagerly, her hips moving closer to his hand. He felt his own loins tighten and harder more at her wanton response and he was delighted to assuage her need. Stroking her generously, he eased his face from hers and watched her face contort in pleasure as his fingers worshipped her. She moaned, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as he watched her and kept up his heated ministrations, his other hand held firmly on her buttocks.

Feeling the pleasure vibrate through her body she began to moan louder as it grew and a fire extended through her body. Holding onto him as her anchor, she let her body take over and let any of her control slip away as the passion and heat climbed within her and his strokes became faster. She felt the pleasure escalate and the passion burn as the sexual bliss rose in power. Arching even more for him, she cried out in earnest as the pleasure rocketed to a powerful climax that shook her body. He captured her sobs of ecstasy with his mouth and held her tighter as the pleasure rippled through her. He could practically feel the passion within her it was so palpable.

When the waves of delight ceased and her body was brought slowly back to earth, she sighed with satisfaction and looked deeply into his eyes.

"You're so…" she tried to say, but all words escaped her.

He kissed her. "You're perfect."

She smiled weakly and let her body just relax against his.

"I never knew I could feel like that," she thought aloud.

He kissed her brow. "I'll give you that pleasure whenever you want it. I promise."

She laughed weakly. She didn't even know how to thank him for that, let alone anything more wonderful.

But as she reached up to kiss him they both heard groups of shouting and chaos outside. Quickly putting her gown back in place, Erik told her to wait as he walked off and tried to look out a window to see what was going on. When he saw soldiers gathering and fire and havoc out in the fort he rushed back to Christine.

"Christine," he said quickly, "come, we must go."

"What's happening?'

"I think we're being attacked."


	9. Fear

IX:

Fear

Looking at him in shock, Christine quickly took his hand and let him lead her through the corridor. She could see through the windows the chaos outside, the fire building in the town square and the group of men formed at the gates, preparing for battle. Women and children ran through the streets frantically and Christine felt her body shudder.

"What is happening, Erik?" she asked, managing to pull her eyes away from the fearsome disaster outside.

"It looks like your husband's enemies have come back for some revenge," Erik said over his shoulder as he led her down a dark, secluded stairway.

Finally reaching the bottom floor where the kitchens and storerooms were, Erik looked around quickly for any sign of anyone and hastily pulled out a dagger and gave it to Christine.

"Take this," he said, gently placing the knife in her hand.

She looked up at him in apprehension. "What are you doing?"

Erik sighed. "There is a secret passageway just down there. You will find it from the crack in the stone. When you see it, put this dagger in it and it will open. You'll be safe there. No one knows about it but me and the knights."

"But what about you? Where are you going?"

"I have to protect the fort. I can't let whoever's at the gates come and harm this keep."

She tugged on his sleeve desperately. "You can't leave…"

"I must," he breathed out.

"But what if…?"

"I'm a strong man. I'll survive. Lord knows I've suffered far worse. Just promise me, Christine. Promise me you will stay here and not leave until I come for you myself."

"I don't feel safe without you." She whispered.

He kissed her hand. "I know, my dear. I know. But I must do my duty and I must protect you. I could never bare it if I did not."

Still hesitant to let him leave, Christine kept the tears in her eyes from falling and tried to muster something to say. She was so afraid something would happen, so afraid of being without you."

"Erik," she murmured, "if anything should happen…"

He stopped her with a warm, strong kiss that took her breath away.

"Nothing. Nothing will ever prevent me from coming for you."

Finally giving her one more passionate kiss, he quickly embraced her and then headed off, leaving her alone.

Despondent and utterly scared, Christine had to summon all the courage she possessed to take a deep breath and do his bidding. Walking down to the dark and labyrinthine corridor Christine strained her eyes in the dark to find the crack Erik had told her to look for. Finally seeing it a way's down she stuck the dagger fully in the small crack and waited. As if magic, and just as Erik had told her, the wall moved away as if a door and revealed a dark room. Christine tentatively looked around the room and the corridor before she finally took a step in and let the door shut behind her.

()()()()()()()()()()()()

Erik strapped his weapons and his chain mail armor tightly as he ran through the castle and headed toward the outside where the peasants and knights were in frenzy. Rushing down the steps, he could see Halebran and Rhodrick and the others already armored and preparing for battle. The bowmen on top of the wall were supplying themselves with arrows and shouting to each other as they took turns firing down at the encroaching enemy soldiers. Erik put on his helmet and hurried over to his brother knights through the chaos, having to push frantic women and children aside so he could get to his men and figure out their strategy. They all sighed with relief when they saw him.

"Erik!" Rhodrick exclaimed upon seeing him. "Where you been, man? We've got a bloody battle on our hands."

Erik ignored answering about where he had been and switched subjects. "What's happening? Rebels?"

Halebran shook his head. "More soldiers from Baron Cromwell's keep. They are still convinced they came to capture Geoffrey's keep and take leadership here."

"Why did they attack now?"

"They heard we were back and they didn't want to fight unless there was a chance they could get some real bloodshed. They love to battle and conquer strong armies, not weak ones."

"And Geoffrey? What is he doing?"

The knights grew silent a moment and shared shameful glances before Halebran answered for them.

"Lord Geoffrey…He has decided to take refuge away from the fighting…in his chambers."

Erik could barely contain his fury at the statement. The coward! The bloody fool actually meant to hide from his enemies like a whipped dog and leave the fighting to solely his knights and vassals? What kind of man couldn't even protect his own land?

"Well, we will just have to do without him. We fought more formidable enemies without his leadership before. We can survive a couple of bloodthirsty fools now," Erik assured his knights.

They all nodded staunchly, knowing all too well that they had in fact defeated far more nefarious foes.

Erik strapped his helmet on and whipped out his sword.

"Well, I don't know about you boys, but we've gone too long without a good fight. Let's give these bastards some hell."

The men shouted in agreement and prepared themselves as the drawbridge came down and they planned to go out and fight the enemy head on.

()()()()()()()()()()()()

Christine shivered in the darkness as she went over the time in her head. It had seemed like hours since Erik left her in this chamber to go fight the enemies. But then she had no idea whether or not it had been hours or minutes. It was pitch black in the tiny room and she couldn't hear a word from the outside world for any idea of what was happening with the battle. She prayed Erik was still alive and that God wouldn't punish him for their encounter a little while earlier. She knew it was technically wrong and that she had sinned and should feel guilty, but God help her she didn't. It had not really been lovemaking in the sense that it had not been intercourse, but it had been more pleasurable and amazing than "lovemaking" she had had with Geoffrey. She had never experienced such intense feelings, such a rush of her senses and her body. It had literally convulsed with pleasure. The way he had touched her and kissed her and whispered that erotic praise in her ear, it had driven her crazy. Geoffrey had never done any of that. It had been cold, business-like, rough. There was no caressing, no touching and no praise. Geoffrey's taking of her body had not compared at all to Erik's embrace. She just hoped she would be able to experience more of those caresses.

Suddenly hearing the wall break apart and seeing the tiniest shred of light appear, Christine's heart leapt in joy and she rose immediately when Erik emerged in the walkway. Bloodied, battered and bruised from the battle, he actually looked weak standing there holding a small torch.

"Erik!" Christine exclaimed as she lunged for him and embraced him.

He hissed in pain and pulled her back. "I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm a little hurt I'm afraid. The battle was not an easy one."

"How long was it?"

"About four hours. We just fought off the last of them?"

"Was anyone killed?"

"Unfortunately, some of the serfs and townspeople."

Christine crossed herself and said a quick prayer. "God grant them peace."

"Don't worry. We avenged their deaths."

He winced as he lied down to sit against a rock. He held his side tenderly and groaned as he struggled to find a comfortable position.

Christine sat down next to him and looked over him, worried still that he had been severely wounded.

"You are not hurt too bad, are you?"

He chuckled darkly, but it seemed to hurt him. "I've fared worse."

Christine looked at his bloody tunic. "Do you want me to look at it, the wound?"

Erik looked at her intently for a minute and then slowly nodded.

Heeding his approval, Christine bent down and gingerly removed his tunic and underclothes until his chest and abdomen were bare. Christine had never seen his body before and was awed by it, even though it bloodied and bruised. He had a powerful, masculine build with a hard, flat stomach and broad shoulders and strong arms and a narrow waist. She felt her cheeks flush with heat and felt embarrassed for being affected like this when she should have been tending to his wounds.

She splayed her fingers lightly over his gash on his stomach but he hissed again in pain and Christine reeled back in fear she had hurt him.

"Did I hurt you?" she cried.

"I'll be alright. Go ahead. Pay no attention to my whining."

Reluctantly, Christine went back to his cut and lightly measured with her fingers the length and depth of it.

"It doesn't seem to be that deep. I think it will heal easily."

Erik's breathing slowed and she watched his chest rise and fall with each breath. She looked up and saw him looking at her. He no longer looked like he was in pain. His eyes were hungry and heated.

"I like your touch on me," he whispered.

She responded by whispering her fingers against the flesh that wasn't wounded. His body tightened immediately.

"I want you, Erik," she whispered in the low light of the hidden room.

His face was dark with passion and desire but he remained still. "I want you too, Christine, but our first time won't be here in the dark."

She leaned closer to him to affect his senses. "Then where will it be?"

He looked over her face. "How did you imagine your first time to be?"

Taken back by the question, Christine reeled back a little and looked seriously at him. She had not expected that question; nor had she thought about that fantasy for a long time.

"Well, I guess I always imagined it in my wedding bed on white sheets. I imagined it at night with the moon outside and a fire in the hearth. I imagined it to safe in my room where no one could interrupt us."

"Then that's where our first time will be."

She smiled in appreciation and kept herself from crying all over the place.

"But when?" she laughed impatiently.

"When the time is right."

"But I'm ready now."

He looked at her and smiled sadly. "No. You won't be really ready until we're completely safe and away from everyone. Then you'll be ready."

Christine sighed frustrated and turned away from him.

"When Geoffrey leaves," she whispered. "When he leaves promise me we'll be together."

Erik smiled and nodded. "Yes. When Geoffrey leaves we'll make love."


	10. Beginning

A/N: Sorry it took so long. With school and jobs and family I had no time. But I'm back. The chapters are a little short but I have to tease you guys. Gotta leave you wanting more!

Chapter Ten:

The Beginning

Geoffrey put on his gloves as Christine stood next to him expectantly. She stood still and patient and waited as he awkwardly mounted the horse and she then handed the horse's reins to him. He uttered no thank you and simply adjusted his helmet and armor which fit so snugly on his pudgy frame. He merely tried to sit up straight and pretend to be as noble as his title was. He looked ridiculous.

The crowd of knights, castle servants and peasants seeing him off were deathly silent as they all watched their lord prepare for his journey. Secretly, every single one of them was happy that he was leaving and would be gone for some time. Everyone hated him.

But Christine and the others put on a god show as obedient servants. They smiled and waited and showed concern. They genuinely did care that he was leaving. It had been the best news all year that he was going.

No one, however, was as happy as Christine. She was dying for her husband to finally leave and be rid of him for a few months. Her only worry was that her excitement over that would show.

"I will write upon my arrival at the fort," Geoffrey stated strictly to his wife without even bothering to look at her.

"Yes, my lord."

"You will watch over the holding while I am gone."

"Of course, my lord."

He finally looked down at her.

"Good-bye, wife."

"Good-bye, my lord. Have a safe and fruitful journey."

With a brusque nod and a gesture to his soldiers he was off. Christine and the people of the holding watched happily as the parade of riders rode off, leaving only a cloud of dust behind them. For a short while Christine and the others could breathe freely.

Christine took a deep breath. Yes, that did feel good. No constraints, no husband to worry her or boss her around. She was free to live how she would like for now at the castle. Geoffrey could not bother her now. It was just her.

Suddenly Christine remembered what Geoffrey's leaving really meant. She searched the departing crowd for Erik, but she couldn't find him. There was no sign or trace of him, which was just as well, she figured. She didn't need to be thinking about him or them right now. For many days now she had been forced to avoid him and keep a distance until Geoffrey was supposed to leave. But now that Geoffrey had left she had no idea what to do.

Geoffrey's departure meant she and Erik could finally be together. They could make love and take comfort in one another's arms with no real threat. The only problem was, though, that Christine didn't know how to go about doing this sort of thing. She wasn't naturally sneaky or secretive or deceptive. She did not know where to go or what to do. Erik was the experienced one, the teacher. She was merely his student.

She saw one of Erik's fellow soldiers at that moment then and decided to ask him if he knew where Erik was so she could try to find him. The young soldier only had a guess of Erik's whereabouts and suggested going to the hot springs.

Although wary, Christine decided to go looking there. She walked out far past the soldiers' barracks and the training grounds and followed the path that led to the private hot springs where soldiers were allowed to rest. Ad sure enough, she could see the back of Erik's head in the lightly wooded are as he reclined back in the rounded spring of hot water.

She walked quietly and slowly, allowing herself a small step for each rapid heartbeat. She felt unsure and nervous as she circled around the tub and came to face Erik, but his stunned reaction soothed her. He was just as unsure as she was, she thought.

"Christine," he said, looking up at her.

Christine allowed her gaze to rove over the exposed parts of his naked body as he watched her. The water was murky but she could see the strong muscles of his hard, well-defined, massive chest and sinewy arms.

"Geoffrey's left," she whispered.

His gaze was hot and hungry as he looked into her eyes. And as she began to undress and he understood her intent, his gaze became more heated. He watched her like a ravenous lion as she slowly removed each part of her gown and underclothes. His breath caught at the sight of such feminine beauty: the soft curves, the small waist, the porcelain skin. She was perfect; formed like a goddess.

Their eyes stayed on each other's as she entered the water and leisurely swam toward him, her breasts enticing him and driving him mad. Her full lips were pouted in desire and her eyes were heavy with desire and she neared him and their bodies touched.

He groaned at the feel of her thighs touching his and helped situate her on his lap. Her arms came around his neck and her mouth teasingly hovered above his and they looked intently into one another's eyes. She could feel the pulsating result of his hard, large erection and felt a tremor unlike any other sweep through her. This was different. Erik was everything Geoffrey was not and she wasn't afraid.

"I've waited for this for so long," Erik whispered huskily, his hands softly rubbing her hips and bottom.

"As have I," She whispered back.

"I want this to be perfect for you," he said.

"Oh, it will be,"

"But not here, Christine. Maybe someday, but for our first time I want to make love to you in your bed next to a roaring fire." He kissed her neck. "I want to make love to you all night long and then have you fallen asleep in my arms. I want to give you everything he took from you."

Christine felt tears fall from her eyes at his words as he continued to kiss her neck and nibble on her ears. How had she ever come across such a perfect man?

She leaned back from him and smiled.

"Is that what you want?"

He pulled her down for a hot, open-mouthed kiss that left her breathless.

"What do you want?"

She sighed. "You. I don't care when or where or how. I just want you."

He smiled and kissed her again, making her feel as if she was on fire. Dear God, how this man drove her to the brink of insanity. It felt so good.

Pulling her closer into his arms, he held her closer and kissed her madly as he tried to get them out of the water.

"Are you ready to finally feel like a woman?"


	11. One

XI:

One

Erik's lips danced across Christine's as he carried her over the threshold of her chamber; her arms wound tightly around his arms as their tongues mated in a frenzied explosion of desire. They held each other close, tight with anticipation and love as he walked them over to the large bed looming in front of them. But he stopped and didn't drop her onto the bed. He slid her down onto her feet in front of him so they were directly facing each other and held her close. Her eyes were full of desire and worry, a thousand emotions etched across her face. He took a deep breath and stroked her face, his need so hard and painful right now he could barely breathe, but he couldn't go fast. He had to go slow. He had to show her, had to teach her that this was good, that lovemaking was beautiful. She had only ever experienced pain and disappointment in her husband's arms; she needed to see that with him she would always be satisfied.

Erik threaded his fingers through hers and kissed her thoroughly; slow and possessively, taking her breath away with masterful caress of his lips and tongue. She edged her hands up his strong chest and pulled him closer, silently begging him to go faster, to assuage the need that was burning in her. But he didn't move. He let her explore as her hands began to tear the clothes from his body and feel each strong sinew of his body. The rock-hard muscle, the crisp hair, the sun-kissed skin; each part of him was marvelous to her and she reveled in it. She licked his nipples as he groaned furiously and rubbed the hard contours of his flat stomach, kneading and caressing the strong flesh. He wanted to die at the feel of her worshipping his body so innocently; discovering the masculine beauty of him. And when she fumbled with his breeches and released the rigid and swollen result of his result he took a sharp breath. The feel of her small, soft fingers grazing his huge erection felt like heaven.

She gazed at his manhood in wonder and excitement, unsure and anxious at the same time. "I don't know we'll fit," she chuckled half-jokingly.

He tried to smile but the nearness of her hands to his erection was maddening and he could barely control himself.

"Trust me, we'll fit. Just touch me, Christine. Feel me. Every inch of me is for you."

At his reassuring words she continued undressing him, pulling down his breeches until he stood completely nude in front of her. She stood back and gazed at the awesome power of his body. No man was built more beautiful, more perfect than he was. From top to bottom he was sculpted like a warrior, with the strong, athletic legs dusted lightly with hair to broad width of his shoulders that tapered to the narrow waist. Every part was male and it cried out to everything feminine inside her. She knew his body was meant for pleasuring, built for it, designed to satisfy a woman in every way. The idea made her dizzy just thinking about it.

A purely male and satisfied grin swept Erik's face as he watched her surveying his body. "Do I please you?"

She looked at him with amazement. "Oh, very much."

"Now let me look at you, love. I want to see all of you."

Shaking a little bit, Christine relaxed and let Erik undress her as well; his fingers careful as he removed her dress and lifted the chemise over her head. She felt her heart beat wildly as he took off all of her clothes and looked at her with eyes so hungry and appreciative she felt the heat flood her face. She was completely naked, completely vulnerable.

"Oh, Christine," he breathed as his eyes roved over her. She felt hot every where he looked. "You're magnificent."

She tried to cover herself, feeling embarrassed from the intensity of his gaze, but he stopped her and edged her arms away.

"No, you're perfect. Don't hide yourself from me. You don't have to have any shame with me."

Before she could protest he pulled her into his arms and embraced her, setting her aflame with a rapturous kiss so passionate and hot it felt like she was on fire. And when she felt his stiff arousal graze her belly she shivered. He was so hungry for her it was breath-taking. The idea that she was arousing this beautiful, perfect man made her feel…empowered. She never felt more like a woman than she did right now.

Still in his arms, she felt him pick her up and lay her down gently on the bed where he covered her fully with his strong body. The scent of him was overwhelming. The heat between them was so much she felt her body sing for release from this tremendous torture. But he wouldn't give her release yet. His mouth hovering over hers, he let his hands stroke her body fully, each part of her touched and treasured. He filled with his hands with her breasts, tweaking her nipples until they became hard peaks. And then he descended on them and licked them tauntingly, lightly biting the sharp, little pebbles. She whimpered from the pleasure and urged him on with her hands as they threaded through his hair. She begged him to continue, to keep attending to her. He took them fully in his mouth in response and suckled them, causing her to arch off the bed and cry out. The torturous feel of his lathering, his wet, warm mouth suckling her was pure sexual agony. She felt her body grow hotter and wetter and the secret recesses of her womanhood come alive. Her body was yearning for him to take pity on her and end this wonderful suffering.

But the pleasurable agony only grew deeper as he eased his hand down her body and he found her womanhood.

"Oh, you're soaked," he whispered as he found her wet and slick. His cock grew harder just from the feel of her.

Easing both their desire, he slipped his fingers into her hot cleft and began to stroke her. She moaned like a wanton from the touch and felt as if she would die; writhing her hips under his hand, pleading for him to give her the release she knew only he could give her. But he only stroked her harder and deeper until she was so wild he knew she would explode any moment. With his mouth still attending to her breasts, he thrust his fingers harder into her until the pleasure peaked into a tumultuous volcano of pleasure and she arched with a cry of insurmountable pleasure. Nothing had ever felt so good.

Letting the bliss sweep through her, Erik kissed her again and covered her wholly with his body, his cock dangerously close to her feminine mound. He was dying with the need to be inside her, to thrust his erection deep into her. But he waited and kept kissing her until he felt her arms caress his back.

"I want to be inside you so badly," he whispered, his breath strained and harsh from the control he was exerting.

Christine gasped from the brush of his manhood against her core but looked into his eyes and calmed. She loved this man. She trusted him. She knew he could protect her, take care of her. She knew in his arms she would be safe.

"Then come inside me."

Parting her legs for him, she opened herself to him fully and silently commanded that he end their suffering and allow them to become one.

Giving her a strong, soul-searing kiss and holding her hands up above her, he edged his cock into her slowly, widening her thighs apart as he went deep. He groaned as he fully embedded himself in her. God, she felt like pure heaven. The liquid heat that surrounded him was the most blissful, amazing feeling he had ever known.

Christine gasped with shock at the feel of him completely inside her and arched up; pleasure unlike anything she had ever known overwhelming her. And when he withdrew and sank back down into her deeper she cried out in earnest ecstasy. He was so hard, so filling, it was like magic. But she had not been prepared for the pleasure that came when he began to move. His thrusts were intoxicating, incredible as he moved and ground his hips against her. It was like a storm, a storm so powerful she felt it shake her entire being. She began to writhe wildly, thrashing her head against the pillow and grinding against him as their bodies spiraled into a tornado of passion. Their groans grew louder with each stroke, each thrust and the beads of sweat rolling off their backs made them slick and hot. Erik couldn't hold back. He pounded into her, being both tender and fierce as he humped powerfully. Christine dug her heels into his tight buttocks, her legs wrapped around his waist, urging him on as her nails scored his back mercilessly. Together they moved powerfully within each other, becoming one, transcending all elements on earth until the passion broke upon them in waves of unbearable pleasure. Erik bared his teeth and flung his head back with a powerful roar as he thrust into one more time. And Christine let herself go as a scream ripped through her body and the ripples of pleasure seeped her entire being. Their orgasms were soul-wrenching and mesmerizing.

Slowly coming back to earth, their breaths panting hoarsely, they looked into each other's eyes and just held each other, overwhelmed by the incredible beauty and passion of their joining.

"I never…I never even thought this could be possible," Christine whispered. "I didn't know it was like this."

"It usually never is," Erik responded before he gave her another kiss.

"Oh," she moaned. "Let's do it again and again. I want to be one with you forever."

"Your wish is my command," Erik breathed, his heart leaping at the idea.

And for the rest of the night he obliged her, making love to her until neither one could move.


End file.
